if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
