the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
