get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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