Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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