Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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