i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
