Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we should paint friendship bongs
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