I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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