omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
