My cat gives me a boner
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
