Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
