He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
