now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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