Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My underwear smells like fireworks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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