We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
