i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
