Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
