ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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