i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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