Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
