just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
