whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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