Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
