and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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