girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
