I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
