Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
