This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
