I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
