my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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