I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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