My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
