i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
