My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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