OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
