Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
