We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
