Tell her she can't have a vagina
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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