just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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