M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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