did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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