From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
