Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
