You're like the curious george of whores
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
