Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
