Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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