these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
