it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
