are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
