my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
