I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
