i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
