he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
