I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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